150+ Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually Pretty Hilarious

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Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

Best Dad Jokes: There comes a time in life when we need some rest and entertainment.  There are many ways to entertain yourself, but if you like “Dad Jokes”, this article is for you. 

Dad jokes aren’t just for dads. It will be helpful in relieving stress and creating a comfortable and enjoyable environment.

Here are 150+ “Dad Jokes and puns”, you will definitely like it.

Best Dad Jokes

1. “What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!”

2. “How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!”

3. “Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.”

4. “If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you?” “An iWitness.”

5. “What did one wall say to the other?” “I’ll meet you at the corner.”

6. “What did the zero say to the eight?” “That belt looks good on you.”

7. “A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.'”

8. “Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.”

9. “5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.”

10. “Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wanted something pillow-key!”

Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes
Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

Read More: 150+ Best Dad Jokes That Are Actually so Funny

Dumb Dad Jokes

11. “You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.”

12. “I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.”

13. “Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But catscan.”

14. “Why do dogs float in water? Because they are good buoys.”

15. “What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle.”

16. “What do you call 50 pigs and 50 deer? 100 sows and bucks.”

17. “Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.”

18. “What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh.”

19. “Police arrested a bottle of water because it was wanted in three different states: solid, liquid, and gas.”

20. “What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Pouch potato.”

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Dad jokes for adults

21. “Why is grass so dangerous? Because it’s full of blades.”

22. “It really takes guts to be an organ donor.”

23. “What did the plumber say to the singer? Nice pipes.”

24. “I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.”

25. “How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps? You slowly get over it.”

26. “I’m reading an anti-gravity book. I can’t put it down!”

27. “I’d avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy!”

28. “I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.”

29. “Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores.”

30. “Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.”

Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes
Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

31. “Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!”

32. “Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.”

33. “A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!’

34. “Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it!”

35. “Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it!”

36. “Where do fruits go on vacation?” “Pear-is!”

37. “I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.”

38. “What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?” “Where’s Pop Corn?”

39. “Where do you learn to make a banana split?” “Sundae school.”

40. “What has more letters than the alphabet?” “The post office!”

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Best dad jokes ever

41. “Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”

42. “What do you call a poor Santa Claus?” “St. Nickel-less.”

43. “I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.”

44. “What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.”

45. “What does “Rockin’ Robin” do when she’s bored? Tweet.”

46. “I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.”

47. “How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.”

48. “Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.”

49. “A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club.” “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”

50. “A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here.'”

Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes
Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

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Classic Dad Jokes

51. “A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. ‘I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,’ he says. ‘Sorry, but I can’t serve you,’ the bartender replies. ‘You’re out of your head.'”

52. “A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.” The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

53. “Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was,” “Bach, Bach, Bach…”

54. “What did the DNA say to the other DNA?” “Do these genes make me look fat?”

55. “Q: What do you need to make a small fortune on Wall Street? A: A large fortune.”

56. “My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end, but I just don’t see the point.”

57. “What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.”

58. “What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

59. “What do houses wear? An address.”

60. “What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.”

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Funny Dad Jokes

61. “What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.’

62. “What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum? He has a meltdown.”

63. “What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.”

64. “How do you throw a party in outer space? You planet.”

65. “In America, using the metric system can get you in legal trouble.”

66. “What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.”

67. “In fact, if you sneer at any other method of measuring liquids, you may be held in contempt of quart.”

68. “Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The bushes.”

69. “I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary.” I told him, “Mark, my words!”

70. “How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.”

Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes
Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

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Best Corny Dad Jokes

71. “I’m starting a new dating service in Prague. It’s called Czech-Mate.”

72. “I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up.
Good thymes.”

73. “Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket?”
“Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.”

74. “What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.”

75. “My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!”

76. “How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.”

77. “Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”

78. “What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.”

79. “What did one hat say to the other?” “Stay here! I’m going on ahead.”

80. “Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.”

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Hilarious Dad Jokes

81. “Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”

82. “Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.”

83. “What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?” “Yellow!”

84. “This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.”

85. “What kind of car does an egg drive?” “A yolkswagen.”

86. “Dad, can you put the cat out?” “I didn’t know it was on fire.”

87. “How do you make 7 even?” “Take away the s.”

88. “What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby? Cutting a rug.”

89. “How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.”

90. “Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.”

91. ‘Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?”

92. “What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.”

93. “What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.”

94. “If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.”

95. Teacher: “There are two words I don’t allow in my class. One is gross, and the other is cool.” Johnny: “So, what are the words?”

96. “Why should you never mention the number 288? It’s two gross.”

97. “A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people—the student, his mama, and his pauper.”

98. “What does a mobster buried in cement soon become? A hardened criminal.”

99. “Why was the broom late to class? It over-swept.”

100. “How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!”

Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes
Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

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Best Dad Joke Puns

101. “What do you say to a rabbit on its birthday? Hoppy Birthday!”

102. “What type of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.”

103. “What made the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.”

104. “Can I dive in this pool? It deep-ends.”

105. “Why do vampires always seem sick? They’re coffin.”

106. “My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.”

107. “What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.”

108. “If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.”

109. “Did you know that the first french fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.”

110. “This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.”

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Best Dumb Dad Jokes

111. “It’s easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents.”

112. “I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.”

113. “What is the tallest building in the world? The library—it’s got the most stories.”

114. “Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!”

115. “What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!”

116. “Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with!”

117. “How does a taco say grace?” “Lettuce pray.”

118. “Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain?” “It didn’t have the guts.”

119. “I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.”

120. “How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.”

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Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

121. “Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!”

122. “What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.”

123. “My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.”

124. “How did Harry Potter get down the hill?” “Walking. JK! Rowling.”

125. “I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.”

126. “A guy walks into a bar…and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.”

127. “You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg.”

128. “When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?”

129. “Do you wanna box for your leftovers?” “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.”

130. “That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.”

131. “Shout out to my fingers. I can count on all of them.”

132. “I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it’s the real deal or just a run through?”

133. “When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.”

134. “What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!”

135. “What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!”

136. “What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!”

137. “Someone told me that I should write a book.” I said, “That’s a novel concept.”

138. “Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other,” “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

139. “My IQ test results came back. They were negative.”

140. “What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? A polar bear.”

Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes
Best Dad Jokes, Dad jokes for adults, Best dad jokes ever, Best Dad Joke Puns, Best One-Liner Dad Jokes

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Best Dad Jokes for Kids

141. “What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.”

142. “Q: If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missile toe.”

143. “My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean.”

144. “What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Does this taste funny to you?”

145. “If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?”

146. “What country’s capital is growing the fastest?” “Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.”

147. “I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of a fanta sea.”

148. “Did you know corduroy pillows are in style? They’re making headlines.”

149. “A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here.'”

150. “I once got fired from a canned juice company. Apparently I couldn’t concentrate.”

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