Best Mom Jokes: The internet is full of dad jokes, but everyone will agree that moms are funny too. “Although motherhood is very hard, Sure, it is one of the most rewarding positions we moms will ever have.”
Finding ‘funny mom jokes‘ on the internet can be a bit difficult. “So in honor of Mother’s Day, here is a collection of 150+ ‘funny mom jokes’ that are sure to put a smile on your mother’s face.”
Best Mom Jokes Of All Time
1. “What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?”
“Where’s Pop Corn?”
2. “Motherhood: Because going to the bathroom in private is over-rated.”
3. “Mothers of teens understand why some animals eat their young.”
4. “It’s spicy” is a universal mom code for “I don’t want to share.”
5. “What kind of flowers are best for Mother’s Day? Mums.”
6. “What did the panda give his mommy? A bear hug.”
7. “Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth with Oreos.”
8. “In Mary Poppin’s voice Kids, time to go!”
15 minutes later
“Christian Bale’s Batman voice I said let’s go.”
9. “When my kid tells me they got hurt doing exactly what I told them to stop doing so they wouldn’t get hurt.” Oh noooooo…
10. Son: “Mom, can I get $20?”
Mom: “Does it look like I’m made of money?”
Son: “Well, isn’t that what M.O.M stands for?”
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Funny Mom Jokes
11. “A mother’s main diet is her child’s leftovers.”
12. “A police officer was asked what they would do if they had to arrest their mother. They responded that they would call for backup!”
13. “The two amounts of pasta I’m best at cooking: 1. not enough 2. enough for 3,000 people.”
14. “What kind of candy do moms love for Mother’s Day? Her-she’s Kisses. “
15. “I’m homeschooling like that substitute teacher who rolls in the tv for a movie and just eats snacks in the back of the class.”
16. “One minute you are young and cool, maybe even a little dangerous, and the next you are reading Amazon reviews for birdseed.”
17. “Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam!”
18. “What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!”
19. “What did mommy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.”
20. “What kind of sweets do astronaut moms like? Mars bars.”
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Best Mom Jokes
21. “Why was the house so neat on Mother’s Day? Because Mom spent all day Saturday cleaning it.”
22. “If I get through this quarantine without buying a tie-dye sweatsuit I can do anything.”
23. “Why is a computer so smart? Because it listens to its motherboard.”
24. “Finally my winter fat is gone. Now I have spring rolls.”
25. “What’s black and white and goes round and round? A penguin in the washing machine.”
26. “Why did the bean children give their mom a sweater? She was chili.”
27. “I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.”
28. Daughter: “Mom, I need my personal space!”
Mom: “You came out of my personal space.”
29. “Don’t wake up mom! There are at least seven species that eat their young. Your mom may be one of them.”
30. “I love my kids. Not enough to flip the fish sticks halfway through cooking, but I love them.”
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— 31st of 150 Mom Jokes
31. “Why did they have to rush the mommy rattlesnake to the doctor? She bit her tongue!”
32. “Why did the mommy cat want to go bowling? She was an alley cat.”
33. “Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long!”
34. “Mom’s recipe for iced coffee: 1. Have kids. 2. Make coffee. 3. Forget you made coffee. 4. Drink it cold.”
35. “Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook.”
36. “What are the three quickest ways to spread a rumor? The internet, telephone, and telling your mom.”
37. “Why is Mother’s Day before Father’s Day? So the kids can spend all their Christmas money on mom.”
38. “Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?” “I don’t know, ask your grandma!”
39. “What makes more noise than a child jumping on mommy’s bed? Two children jumping on mommy’s bed!”
40. “What color flowers do mama cats like to get? Purrrrrrrple flowers.”
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Mom Jokes one-liners
41. “What do you call a short mom? A mini-mum.”
42. “I bought my mom a mug that says, ‘Happy Mother’s Day from the World’s Worst Son’.
I forgot to mail it but I think she knows.”
43. “Let’s get married and have kids so instead of enjoying coffee in the morning, you can braid hair while I pack lunches, and we can all be late.”
44. “What did the lazy boy say to his mom on Mother’s Day when she was about to do the dishes?” “Relax mom… you can just do them in the morning.”
45. “I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.”
46. “How do you keep little cows quiet, so their mommy can sleep late? Use the moooooote button.”
47. “They say women speak 20,000 words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast.”
48. “There are two amounts of pasta moms are good at cooking:
Not enough and enough for 3,000 people.”
49. Mom: “Look at that kid over there; he’s not misbehaving.”
Son: “Maybe he has good parents then!”
50. “A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do in a day.”
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— 51st of 150 Mom Jokes
51. Mommy: “Mommy will think about it!”
Narrator: “Mommy never thought about it. She knew it was ‘no’ all along and just wanted everyone to STFU.”
52. “Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like breakfast in bed, Mommy?”
53. “What was Cleopatra’s favorite day of the year? Mummy’s day.”
54. “Please excuse the mess, my kids are making memories. Of me yelling at them. To clean up the mess.”
55. “Licked a dark smear off my finger, and then thought,” “Phew it’s chocolate.”
56. “I hate when I’m waiting for mom to cook dinner, and then I remember I am the mom, and I have to cook dinner.”
57. Mom: “The amazing ability to hear a sneeze through closed doors, in the middle of the night, three bedrooms away… While daddy snores next to you.”
58. “Some days I do yoga and don’t yell at my kids. Some days I scream at them while eating cake over the kitchen sink. It’s called balance.” @katiebinghamsmith
59. “Never doubt a mother! She can carry a screaming toddler, two gallons of milk, talk on her cell phone, and still slap the snot out of you for looking at her crazy.”
60. Boy: “My mom is having a new baby.”
Girl: “What’s wrong with the old one?”
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Hilarious Mom Jokes
61. “Nothing is really lost… until mom can’t find it.”
62. “I love it when I find myself screaming ‘STOP SCREAMING’ at my kids. That’s how I teach them irony.”
63. “Whoever wrote the song ‘Easy Like Sunday Morning‘ did not have kids.”
64. “There is a legend that if you take a shower and scream ‘Mom’ three times, a nice lady appears with the towel you forgot.”
65. “Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Omelet
Omelet who?
Omelet Mommy sleep in today.”
66. “A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’ He said, ‘Call for backup.’ “
67. “Motherhood is fun and all, but have you ever had the house alone on a Saturday?”
68. “Please excuse the mess. My kids are making memories. Of me yelling at them. To clean up the mess.”
69. “A toddler can do more things in a single unsupervised minute than most adults can do in a week.”
70. “Becoming a mom means your kid is the one who’s up drinking all night but you end up the one hungover in the morning.”
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Cute Mom Jokes
71. “Behind every picture taken at home there’s a mom who’s shoving random crap out of the frame so it can look like the house is clean.”
72. “Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is suspicious.”
73. “Being a mom has taught me that the main cause of dehydration in small children is bedtime.”
74. “Being a mom is a constant dilemma between turning in early to catch up on sleep or staying up to finally get a little me-time.”
75. “Being a mom is like you’re a superhero. Everyone is somewhat afraid of you and you keep warding off monsters from destroying everything.”
76. Being a mom means saying things like “I love you to the moon and beyond but if you don’t get ready in five minutes, I will haunt your dreams for the next five years.”
77. “Being a stay-at-home mom would be pretty awesome if it wasn’t for all these children and all their needs.”
78. Child: “Stop making jokes you’re not funny.”
Mom: “Well, I made you.”
79. “Every mom wants her kids to have everything she couldn’t afford…. Then move in with them!”
80. “Every mother ever: I’m warning you, If you fall and break your legs, don’t come running to me!”
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Mom Puns
81. “Guide for baking with your children”:
Step 1: Don’t.
82. “How can you get the kids to be quiet?”
Say mum’s the word.
83. “I child-proofed my house but my kids can still get in!”
84. “I could write a book about being a mom but it would just be a rant about doing everything on my own framed by cocktail recipes.”
85. “From what I have learned as a mom, motherhood means repeatedly getting up right after you had just sat down one second ago.”
86. “Being a mom is like you constantly have to clean up after a party you didn’t attend.”
87. “I go by Mom, but my full name is” “Mom Mom Mom Mom.”
88. “I googled my symptoms and it turns out I have kids.”
89. “I opened the first little door on my Moms Advent Calendar and a pile of dirty laundry fell out.”
90. “I really want my kids to be head-strong and strong-willed individuals, just not while I’m raising them!”
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Best Mom Jokes for Kids
91. “I used to be a snack but now that I’m a mom I’m a Happy Meal. I come with toys and kids.”
92. “I used to watch horror movies for entertainment. Now I just watch my children bake in my kitchen.”
93. “I usually only let crazy mom out a few times a month, just enough so that the kids are always aware she exists.”
94. “I’m fairly certain Moms are just a part of a scientific experiment to prove that sleep is not needed in order to survive.”
95. “If a mom doesn’t have a used gift bag full of other used gift bags, is she even a mom?”
96. “If evolution really worked moms would have more than two hands.”
97. “I’d love to be one of those Pinterest moms that make their own shampoo and bake elaborate gingerbread houses for Christmas but I’m leaning more towards,” “Today I took a shower, kept my kids alive, and only cried once.”
98. “I must admit I’ve never done CrossFit, but I have buckled a screaming child into a car seat several times.”
99. “Child: “Mom, please! I need some personal space!”
Mom: “Should have thought of that before you popped out my personal space!”
100. “Being a mom is great and all, but have you ever had the house all to yourself for two hours?”
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Mother Daughter Jokes
101. “At my age I’m no longer a snack; I’m a Happy Meal. I come with toys and kids.”
102. “My Mom told me I’d never amount to anything because I procrastinate too much.”
I said, “Oh, yeah? Just you wait.”
103. “When your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.”
104. Son: “Mom, what’s a weekend?”
Mom: “I don’t know, sweetheart, I haven’t had one since you were born.”
105. Baby snake: “Mommy, are we poisonous?”
Mommy snake: “Yes, son. Why?”
Baby snake: “I just bit my tongue!”
106. “Yes, please get a new cup every time you need water — said no mom ever.”
107. “You know you’re a mom when you understand why Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold.”
108. “You know you’re a mom when picking up another human to smell their butt isn’t only normal, but necessary.”
109. “My housekeeping style as a mom can best be described as” “there appears to have been a struggle.”
110. “Why was the house so neat on Mother’s Day? Because Mom spent all day Saturday cleaning it.”
111. “Why did the bean children give their mom a sweater? She was chili.”
112. “Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
My mom’s jokes,
Are funnier than you.”
113. “How many moms does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, obviously, and she has to do it or else it won’t get done.”
114. “What kind of boat is barely staying afloat, yet somehow manages to function? The mother ship.”
115. “If you are not yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them. “
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— 115th of 150 Mom Jokes
116. “If you ever need a moment to yourself just shout ‘1, 2, 3, mom is lava!’ and you will get a few moments to enjoy your coffee in peace.”
117. “If you want to nap with kids at home, just tell them, ‘Wake me up in half an hour so we can do chores!’ They’ll do anything to avoid waking you up.”
118. “Let mommy have her alone time. According to the Internet, there are several species who eat their young, and your mom might just be one of them!”
119. “Me and another couple veteran moms were asked to write parenting advice in a guestbook for a baby shower, so I just left them my favorite daiquiri recipe.”
120. Me: “I love being a mom. Being a mom is so fulfilling!”
Also me: “googling How do I fake my own coma?”
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Single Mom Jokes
121. Kid: “What’s a man?”
Dad: “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.”
Kid: “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”
122. “Before having kids, every mom thinks she’ll be a super-chill mom.”
“That’s because, at that point, we had no idea they’d break all our stuff, make ridiculous demands, and take roughly 10 years to get out of the car.”
123. “What’s the fastest land mammal? A toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.”
124. Night Mom: “Tomorrow, I’m going to get up early before all of the kids, pack their lunches, go for a run, cook a healthy breakfast, and enjoy 20 minutes of silent ‘me time.’”
Morning Mom: “Hahahahahaha. Nice try.”
125. “Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bacon.
Bacon who?
Bacon brownies for Mother’s Day.”
126. “What three words solve dad’s every problem? Ask your mother.”
127. “Mom, thanks for providing me with womb and board for all of these years!”
128. “Mom on Social Media: Making cupcakes with the kids! Love them so much! #blessed
Moms, actually: YOU’RE GETTING EGGSHELLS IN THE BATTER. STEP ASIDE! MOVE! LET ME DO IT!”
129. “Mom sleep: It’s like regular sleep but without the sleep.”
130. “Moms don’t drink to cope, moms drink because babies are small drunks and they want to level with them!”
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— 131st of 150 Mom Jokes
131. “Most moms would love to have a long nice nap for their birthday but they’re also adults so they know they can’t ask for impossible things!”
132. “Most of the things I say to my kids after 6 p.m. end with” “or you could just go to bed now!”
133. ” Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.”
134. “I’m going to donate these bags of clothes to Goodwill. But first, I’m going to drive around with them in my trunk for four months.”
135. “Everything you do is so mom point.”
136. “What’s the difference between Superman and Mothers? Superman’s just a superhero now and then. Moms are superheroes all the time.”
137. “Why don’t they have Mother’s Day sales? Because mothers are priceless.”
138. “I hate it when I’m waiting for my mom to make lunch, and then I recall that I’m mom and I have to make lunch.”
139. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”- Erma Bombeck
140. “I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.”- Reese Witherspoon
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Funny Motherhood Quotes from Celebrities
141. “Be nice to your children, for they will choose your rest home.”– Phyllis Diller
142. “The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kid didn’t finish.”– Carrie Underwood
143. “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”– Michelle Pfeiffer
144. “There are no rules in this house. I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.”– Amy Poehler, Mean Girls
145. “Kids are challenging. Wine is necessary.”– Kelly Clarkson
146. “Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.”– Jenny McCarthy
147. “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I come out.”– Erma Bombeck
148. “Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future.”– Amy Poehler
149. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”– Nora Ephron
150. “You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.“- Jennifer Garner
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